I feel great
I just peed on a car
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
