Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
