just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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