my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
