You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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