His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
