I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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