I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize