i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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