in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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