I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
