Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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