dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
