Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Randomize
