the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
