i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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