Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
