Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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