just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
