I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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