just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
