is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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