thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
