Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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