So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
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Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
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I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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