I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
