So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
