im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My dick has a subreddit
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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