if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
