tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
