Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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