it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
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I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
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If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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