At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
