You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
