That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
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Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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