I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Damn victory sex feels great
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
