Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I think my fart just growled at me.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
