did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
