For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
