Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
