I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
