i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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