oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize
