Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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