matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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