I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
