Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
