your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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