I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
