Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
