he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
