I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
