I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
