I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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