I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize