Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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