i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
