guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize