Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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