Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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