Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
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Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
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Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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