Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
