I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
