...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
