Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We are all done wearing pants today
Randomize