Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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