I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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