I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
