He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I am midnight drunk by noon
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
