i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
