I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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